Tuesday, March 6, 2012


I've started to feel as though I'm trapped. I feel as though I'm sitting in a glass box, seeing everyone move around me, go on with their lives and move forward, but I can't. And the worst part is I can't see my way out because the box is glass. And everyone thinks I'm doing fine, that everything is normal because they can't see the box either. I can't do it on my own. I am fully willing to admit that.

Lots of people like to tell me what I should do.

Get a job!
Go back to school already!
Start taking meds!
Stop being lazy!
Yada yada yada...

It seems like people like to tell me what to do, but never offer any help.

No one has ever asked to help me.

I mean, my roommates have offered to help with a resume, which I need to do.

But its so hard to do all of these things for me. I have anxiety and depression that I still struggle with daily that I sweep under the rug. It's still hard for me to get through day to day things. I have fibromyalgia, I have a really crappy rare ankle condition, it sucks. I'm in pain all the time, and part of me can't help it.

I tried doing the Easter Seals job thing, and my anxiety got crazy bad. It was making me physically sick and I couldn't handle it. I thought I had my anxiety under control for the most pat, but I just don't. :( And it makes me really upset with myself, that on my own without help of medication I can't handle normal grown up stuff. Sometimes I feel so disappointed in myself.

I just, -sigh-, I just want to be able to get out of this damn glass box, and be able to go on with my life.

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